Love, Dad

Dictionary result for memonoun 1. the faculty by which the mind stores and remembers information.
Memories are strange.

Some you can't remember. Some you can't forget. Others come back in waves or at odd times, without warning. Following no rhyme or reason. Some are triggered by sounds or smells.

This past Valentine's Day I was up early per usual. I set out Valentine's Day gifts for our kids. It's something I've done nearly every year. Nothing big. Just some chocolate, little items from the dollar section at Target and energy drinks for the big kids. Valentine's Day is about love, after all. I don't give one flying you-know-what that it's a made up Hallmark holiday. I love it and I think it's a nice way to surprise those you love most.

After I set out all their little Valentine's Day gifts, I poured my coffee and plopped down on the couch to scroll Facebook before having to start the morning wake-ups. I came across a post in one of my …

I Believe You.

It was a frigid December day. Blizzard conditions, they said. It was close to Christmas time and her friend was getting married. One of her best friends. From junior high, through high school and college. And now into early adulthood. She had to go to the wedding. She wanted to go. Earlier that week she somehow bribed her little brother into watching her kids so she and her husband could go to this wedding. And even though she wanted to go, she was hesitant.

She knew how he could get. She knew how he would act. More often than not she would avoid these types of situations, if at all possible, so that she wouldn't have to deal with his behavior.

She tried to reason with herself.

We’ll only stay for a little bit and then head home. It's not like it's far away. And the blizzard and the kids and the fact that I have to drive home will be a good excuse to leave early. Hopefully, early enough before things get too bad.

They missed the wedding and only made it to the reception.…

The Final Chapter

The next step in our journey was a background check and finger prints for Robert. If he had anything sketchy on his record or any warrants out - this would not work. Especially any violent crimes or crimes involving children. The background check and fingerprints took about 4 weeks to clear.

I received an email from our lawyer a stating that everything cleared and our next step is getting a hearing date. About a week later, she emailed me with the details.

Our court date was set for Monday, July 16th, 2018 at 10:00am.

I took the day off of work and in preparation for this day I made sure the kids all had outfits to wear and clean haircuts. I even bought myself a dress, which is something I don't do very often.

Rob and I wanted to get the big kids an "Adoption Day Gift" but couldn't really decide what to get them.

One day at work it kind of hit me, since we had moved to Cottage Grove they had wanted nice sweatshirts with the high school team name on them. They had…

Our Adoption Story: Part 3

One would assume that in this day and age it's easy to find people. Social media makes looking just about anyone up, a breeze! Unless they don't want to be found. In which case, it's very difficult to find people when they have the right privacy settings.

We were blocked from his Facebook so we were unable to message him. He didn't have a known address or employer to look up so that was also a dead end. I had some people message him and let him know that I was looking for him. I made sure they told him that he wasn't in trouble. I didn't want any money. But I needed him to contact me. Nothing seemed to work. And when I say nothing I mean NOTHING. We tried everything. The state couldn't find him. The county couldn't find him and neither could I.

Our case couldn't really go any further until we found him - or as a last resort- we'd publish a notice in the paper. This was going to be even more money and would tack a lot of time on to our case.


Our Adoption Story: Part 2

Once we decided to maybe pursue adoption I started to do my research. I had never heard of a stepparent adoption before. I didn't even know if it was possible or how I would go about getting it started. Not to mention - the cost.

The first thing I started to research was if this was even possible. I soon realized it was...but even under the worst circumstances it would be hard unless the other parent voluntarily signs the kids over. However there are some cases in which the courts will take rights away and give them to someone else: abandonment and lack of child support are a couple of them.

And it makes sense. I mean, if you have kids and you're not taking care of them and making sure they have food, shelter, and clothing, or if you have children and you don't see them - that's neglect.  As the custodial parent, if I didn't feed, house, or clothe the children, they would have been taken away. It's illegal to starve, abandon, and not provide housing or clothes.…

Our Adoption Story: Part 1

This has been a long time coming. We've waited years. And I know our story pales in comparison to some. But many people we are close with and even people who we are not personally close to, are interested in this story. And if I can even help ONE family through this, it will be worth it.

I am the mom of five kids. My first three are all boys from my previous marriage. The marriage was rocky, to put it mildly. We were young and had absolutely no business getting married, let alone having three children. Most of our marriage was spent with me leaving, and then coming back, it was empty promises of treatment and counseling, getting on medication, and gaining employment. I was immature. He was troubled and violent. We had three boys very close in age. It was over before it ever began, really. And after SEVEN separations, I finally ended it once and for all when the children were 3, 4, and 5 years old.

There was court ordered visitation and support. Neither was ever consistently foll…

HALF WAY (almost)

Oy, it feels like it's been awhile! I usually get the urge to write when something political and/or awful happens. And there's been a lot of that lately. During those times I end up frantically writing things and now I have four different drafts on four different topics that I never finished. I get sidetracked or too busy or whatever. Usually any quick thoughts I have that go through this crazy mind of mine, I just type out in the form of a Facebook status update. Which, in turn, usually backfires right in my face and cause a bit of familial drama.*shrugs shoulders* but whatever. My mind is like a balloon and once it gets full of "things" I have to let it out or it'll pop. I've also been working on a series about our adoption experience. But those installments won't be published until that all is finalized. So I have definitely been writing - just not publishing much. Meh.

However, I was just thinking the other day about how the year is almost half over! …