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The Fight

I have spent the better part of my life as a mom fighting.

The minute I found out I was pregnant in March of 2002 - I started fighting. Fighting for the life inside me. Fighting for the kind of life I wanted to give him. Fighting for the way I wanted to raise him. Fighting for the kind of mom I wanted to be. Fighting for the kind of man I wanted HIM to be.

That fight never stopped. Not after this brother was born. Or his brother after that. I never stopped being their mom. Not once. Even if they weren't with me, I still called. I still checked in. I still went to work EVERY SINGLE DAY to provide for them the life I wanted them to someday have. Parenting isn't a walk in the park for anyone. I worked three jobs. I kept a clean house. I went to college while raising the three of them alone. I had cars repossessed. I had my lights and heat turned off. I went to the food shelf to feed them. I had to borrow money to buy them birthday presents. I had to beg for help to buy them win…

I'm Baaaaack. And this is why.

Not that I owe anyone an explanation. Because, I don't. But I really did do some self reflection this past week.

It felt good. It was nice to not have any drama, no arguments and no negativity.

I really thought long and hard about WHAT I use Facebook for, WHY I use it, and HOW it affects me and my relationships.

One thing that I love about facebook as a platform is connecting with people. I like seeing and hearing what others are up to. I like being able to share things that happen in my world whether it be a funny thing my kids said, a frustrating situation as a parent, one of my blog posts, or a relatable meme. I also love the digital scrapbook it has created for my family and me since 2009. I've documented countless quotes, pics, trips, dinners, and milestones. Things that I sometimes don't even remember happening, I am only reminded of when they pop up in my Facebook memories. I have all of this "stuff" from my life the last 9 years documented in digital fo…

Another Day, Another Shooting

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My first exposure to a school shooting that I can remember was Columbine. I was a freshman in college and I remember watching the news coverage and weeping. It wasn't long before that occurred that I was in high school myself. In a small close knit suburb, just like them. I couldn't wrap my head around how those poor kids must have felt. To not feel safe at SCHOOL, of all places. How absolutely horrific to be sitting in class one moment and the next you're on the floor, hiding and terrified.

Since Columbine in 1999 there have been 25 fatal school shootings - that includes elementary through high school. TWENTY FIVE in 19 years.

As parents we send our kids off in the morning to school. A place filled with knowledge, books, technology, friends, love, experiences, athletics, clubs, and camaraderie. We trust that they're safe, or we used to trust that they're safe. Today, schools have become something entirely different.

LIFE has become something entirely different.

#goals

I keep seeing these memes and posts about saying goodbye to 2017 and welcoming in 2018. And I get it. I mean, politically 2017 wasn't our greatest showing. Right, America? But am I the only one who isn't super ecstatic to see 2017 go? I kinda liked 2017. It was a really good year for us. Probably one of the best I've had...ever. Seriously. So I'm not exactly thrilled to kick its ass out the door and pull 2018 on through. I'm a little nervous. What if it's worse? What if I hate it? What if something terrible/awful happens? I'm really happy right now with where we are and with all we've done and accomplished. But I know it's inevitable and I can't keep living in 2017 forever (although if I had to choose a year to live in perpetually, it would be 1998).

Anyway, I'm not a big New Years Resolution type of person. I often set goals for myself throughout the year and I'm pretty good at hitting them. I'm a jump in head first kind of gal. I …

Before You Give This Holiday Season - Read This

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The Holiday Season is upon us! I love this time of year. The smells. The sounds. The hustle and bustle. The late night traffic as everyone is out buying gifts. The parties. The food. The magic.

Whatever you believe and whatever the reason is for your celebrations this time of year, there is no denying that there is magic in the air. People are nicer. More generous. We actually talk to each other. We say things like "Have a good holiday!" "Merry Christmas!" "Happy Hanukah!" I love it.

But I haven't always loved it. This time of year was often stressful for me. It was a constant reminder of what I couldn't do. What I couldn't give. What I couldn't provide. That I could work 50 hours a week and still not be able to afford Christmas. Or I could afford Christmas, but then I couldn't pay any bills. I hated this time of year. The commercials of all the damn toys - and then hearing my boys beg and beg and I'd nod like a big-fat-liar and…

Why Now?

This entry can also be read on the Scary Mommy It's Personal website by clicking the link below:
http://www.scarymommy.com/women-sexual-assault-harassment/?utm_source=FBIP

Why now? Why are all these women coming forward now? Why wait so long? Why not report it right away?

Because:

Until 1948 women were not allowed to be bartenders unless their father or husband owned the establishment.
Until 1963 women could legally be paid less than their male counterparts in the exact same position - (Trump actually reinstated something very similar this year).
Until 1972 unmarried women could be denied birth control.
Until 1973 Roe V Wade - Enough said.
Until 1974 pregnant women could be discriminated against in the workplace.
Until 1974 women were denied mortgages, bank accounts, and loans based on their gender.
Until 1978 it was legal to require female employees to be under a certain weight.
Until 1981 men had sole control of joint marital property.
Until 1999 women were not guaranteed the …

Learning to Dance in the Rain by Tony Marschinke

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The pride and gratefulness I have in regards to the relationship I have with my brother Tony is incomprehensible. He is a champion. He is trailblazer. He is, in short, one of my favorite people. I am 13 years his senior but we are the best of friends. He loves to write and I love to read his writing. He's had to overcome some setback throughout his life and reinvent himself a million times over. He was born into an extremely conservative family and community which proved to be a hurdle that he not only overcame but completely demolished.

I always say that he is the best thing that happened to our family. He changed the way we saw people and the world. He taught us what unconditional love means.

I am honored and proud to publish this piece that he wrote. He's been sitting on it for a while and finally had the courage to post it and wanted to do so on my blog. I'm ecstatic to do so. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.

xo - Nicky


In 1981 the CDC presented a report of five p…