Skip to main content

Why Now?

This entry can also be read on the Scary Mommy It's Personal website by clicking the link below:

Why now? Why are all these women coming forward now? Why wait so long? Why not report it right away?


Until 1948 women were not allowed to be bartenders unless their father or husband owned the establishment.
Until 1963 women could legally be paid less than their male counterparts in the exact same position - (Trump actually reinstated something very similar this year).
Until 1972 unmarried women could be denied birth control.
Until 1973 Roe V Wade - Enough said.
Until 1974 pregnant women could be discriminated against in the workplace.
Until 1974 women were denied mortgages, bank accounts, and loans based on their gender.
Until 1978 it was legal to require female employees to be under a certain weight.
Until 1981 men had sole control of joint marital property.
Until 1999 women were not guaranteed the right to feed their babies on federal property.
Until 2002 it was legal to fire women who needed to take time off to recover, treat, or process episodes of domestic violence.
Until 2010 women were not guaranteed a space or allowed any (paid or unpaid) break time to pump milk/feed their babies.
Until 2010 health insurance companies could deny, over charge/under insure women simply because of their gender.

That's why.

Because since the beginning of time - women have been considered inferior. We were not allowed to vote in regards to our representation but had to abide by all the laws put forth. We were held back from equal pay, equal education, equal representation, and equal opportunity.

There is a shift in the paradigm happening. We have taken back some of that power that was kept from us and we're speaking up. We're telling everyone the shitty things that have happened to us. We're telling the media something that we've known all along: We're not safe. Not at work, not at the doctor, not on the bus, not at the bar, not at school.

We're grabbed and threatened and kissed and forced and mocked. From the time we are very young we are taught to be fearful of men. Why? Because they will rape us and grab us and take us and drug us and hit us.

But eventually through blood, sweat, and tears we have risen from the ashes- clawing, kicking screaming, using our shrill voices and our emotionally unstable personas to prove to everyone that we are a force to be reckoned with.

And we will not tolerate being used and abused because you somehow feel entitled to our bodies, still - after all this time.

The shift of power. That's what you're hearing in each and every sexual assault story. You're hearing from countless women who FINALLY feel like they have a voice and it matters. It matters because we know we're not just our bodies, we know we're not just being emotional, we know we are no longer the uneducated gender, we know we don't have to stay suppressed, or embarrassed, or unemployed-at home in your kitchen making your babies and your sandwiches.

We are doctors. lawyers. teachers. mothers. grandmothers. nurses. firefighters. paramedics. construction workers. radiology techs. soldiers. police officers. We are the same as you.

There is no doubt that we have a long way to go. But before you know it, we'll be your bosses and we'll be your congress-people and we'll be making sure your hands and lips and genitals are kept to yourself. Because if they aren't - you're toast.

I suspect there are copious amounts of powerful men shitting their pants knowing full well their gig could be up at any given moment.

Your "power" means nothing. Good luck, assholes.


Popular posts from this blog

Learning to Dance in the Rain by Tony Marschinke

The pride and gratefulness I have in regards to the relationship I have with my brother Tony is incomprehensible. He is a champion. He is trailblazer. He is, in short, one of my favorite people. I am 13 years his senior but we are the best of friends. He loves to write and I love to read his writing. He's had to overcome some setback throughout his life and reinvent himself a million times over. He was born into an extremely conservative family and community which proved to be a hurdle that he not only overcame but completely demolished.

I always say that he is the best thing that happened to our family. He changed the way we saw people and the world. He taught us what unconditional love means.

I am honored and proud to publish this piece that he wrote. He's been sitting on it for a while and finally had the courage to post it and wanted to do so on my blog. I'm ecstatic to do so. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.

xo - Nicky

In 1981 the CDC presented a report of five p…

Another Day, Another Shooting

My first exposure to a school shooting that I can remember was Columbine. I was a freshman in college and I remember watching the news coverage and weeping. It wasn't long before that occurred that I was in high school myself. In a small close knit suburb, just like them. I couldn't wrap my head around how those poor kids must have felt. To not feel safe at SCHOOL, of all places. How absolutely horrific to be sitting in class one moment and the next you're on the floor, hiding and terrified.

Since Columbine in 1999 there have been 25 fatal school shootings - that includes elementary through high school. TWENTY FIVE in 19 years.

As parents we send our kids off in the morning to school. A place filled with knowledge, books, technology, friends, love, experiences, athletics, clubs, and camaraderie. We trust that they're safe, or we used to trust that they're safe. Today, schools have become something entirely different.

LIFE has become something entirely different.

Puppy Love

Many of you reading this knew my friend, Chris Cahoon. And most of you know that he and I were very close friends. Just friends. Seriously. No one ever believed us and people always thought there was something going on, but the truth of the matter is, we were friends. I wouldn't hesitate to call him my "best guy friend". He was exactly what I needed at a really rough time in my life. I treasured him and his friendship more than he probably ever knew.

In 2012 I met and started dating my now husband. I was 32 years old, a single mother of three and had been a single mom for a long time. Chris was skeptical of Robert at first, like most people. Heck, I was even skeptical. Chris was big-brother like in wanting to protect me. But he was very supportive and always asked me how it was going and wanted to know that I was happy. And I was. I was finally happy. And Chris was happy for me and that was really important to me. Some time later, Chris text me about a girl he had met. …