They Have To Sleep Eventually

It was a frigid December day. Blizzard conditions, they said. It was close to Christmas time and her friend was getting married. One of her best friends. From junior high, through high school and college. And now into early adulthood. She had to go to the wedding. She wanted to go. Earlier that week she somehow bribed her little brother into watching her kids so she and her husband could go to this wedding. And even though she  wanted to go, she was hesitant. She knew how he could get. She knew how he would act. More often than not she would avoid these types of situations, if at all possible, so that she wouldn't have to deal with his behavior. She tried to reason with herself. We’ll only stay for a little bit and then head home. It's not like it's far away. And the blizzard and the kids and the fact that I have to drive home will be a good excuse to leave early. Hopefully, early enough before things get too bad . They missed the wedding and only made i

The next step in our journey was a background check and finger prints for Robert. If he had anything sketchy on his record or any warrants out - this would not work. Especially any violent crimes or crimes involving children. The background check and fingerprints took about 4 weeks to clear. I received an email from our lawyer a stating that everything cleared and our next step is getting a hearing date. About a week later, she emailed me with the details. Our court date was set for Monday, July 16th, 2018 at 10:00am. I took the day off of work and in preparation for this day I made sure the kids all had outfits to wear and clean haircuts. I even bought myself a dress, which is something I don't do very often. Rob and I wanted to get the big kids an "Adoption Day Gift" but couldn't really decide what to get them. One day at work it kind of hit me, since we had moved to Cottage Grove they had wanted nice sweatshirts with the high school team name on them. The

One would assume that in this day and age it's easy to find people. Social media makes looking just about anyone up, a breeze! Unless they don't want to be found. In which case, it's very difficult to find people when they have the right privacy settings. We were blocked from his Facebook so we were unable to message him. He didn't have a known address or employer to look up so that was also a dead end. I had some people message him and let him know that I was looking for him. I made sure they told him that he wasn't in trouble. I didn't want any money. But I needed him to contact me. Nothing seemed to work. And when I say nothing I mean NOTHING. We tried everything. The state couldn't find him. The county couldn't find him and neither could I. Our case couldn't really go any further until we found him - or as a last resort- we'd publish a notice in the paper. This was going to be even more money and would tack a lot of time on to our case.

Once we decided to maybe pursue adoption I started to do my research. I had never heard of a stepparent adoption before. I didn't even know if it was possible or how I would go about getting it started. Not to mention - the cost. The first thing I started to research was if this was even possible. I soon realized it was...but even under the worst circumstances it would be hard unless the other parent voluntarily signs the kids over. However there are some cases in which the courts will take rights away and give them to someone else: abandonment and lack of child support are a couple of them. And it makes sense. I mean, if you have kids and you're not taking care of them and making sure they have food, shelter, and clothing, or if you have children and you don't see them - that's neglect.  As the custodial parent, if I didn't feed, house, or clothe the children, they would have been taken away. It's illegal to starve, abandon, and not provide housing or cloth

This has been a long time coming. We've waited years. And I know our story pales in comparison to some. But many people we are close with and even people who we are not personally close to, are interested in this story. And if I can even help ONE family through this, it will be worth it. I am the mom of five kids. My first three are all boys from my previous marriage. The marriage was rocky, to put it mildly. We were young and had absolutely no business getting married, let alone having three children. Most of our marriage was spent with me leaving, and then coming back, it was empty promises of treatment and counseling, getting on medication, and gaining employment. I was immature. He was troubled and violent. We had three boys very close in age. It was over before it ever began, really. And after SEVEN separations, I finally ended it once and for all when the children were 3, 4, and 5 years old. There was court ordered visitation and support. Neither was ever consistently fol

Oy, it feels like it's been awhile! I usually get the urge to write when something political and/or awful happens. And there's been a lot of that lately. During those times I end up frantically writing things and now I have four different drafts on four different topics that I never finished. I get sidetracked or too busy or whatever. Usually any quick thoughts I have that go through this crazy mind of mine, I just type out in the form of a Facebook status update. Which, in turn, usually backfires right in my face and cause a bit of familial drama.*shrugs shoulders* but whatever. My mind is like a balloon and once it gets full of "things" I have to let it out or it'll pop. I've also been working on a series about our adoption experience. But those installments won't be published until that all is finalized. So I have definitely been writing - just not publishing much. Meh. However, I was just thinking the other day about how the year is almost half over!

I have spent the better part of my life as a mom fighting. The minute I found out I was pregnant in March of 2002 - I started fighting. Fighting for the life inside me. Fighting for the kind of life I wanted to give him. Fighting for the way I wanted to raise him. Fighting for the kind of mom I wanted to be. Fighting for the kind of man I wanted HIM to be. That fight never stopped. Not after this brother was born. Or his brother after that. I never stopped being their mom. Not once. Even if they weren't with me, I still called. I still checked in. I still went to work EVERY SINGLE DAY to provide for them the life I wanted them to someday have. Parenting isn't a walk in the park for anyone. I worked three jobs. I kept a clean house. I went to college while raising the three of them alone. I had cars repossessed. I had my lights and heat turned off. I went to the food shelf to feed them. I had to borrow money to buy them birthday presents. I had to beg for help to buy them wi

Not that I owe anyone an explanation. Because, I don't. But I really did do some self reflection this past week. It felt good. It was nice to not have any drama, no arguments and no negativity. I really thought long and hard about WHAT I use Facebook for, WHY I use it, and HOW it affects me and my relationships. One thing that I love about facebook as a platform is connecting with people. I like seeing and hearing what others are up to. I like being able to share things that happen in my world whether it be a funny thing my kids said, a frustrating situation as a parent, one of my blog posts, or a relatable meme. I also love the digital scrapbook it has created for my family and me since 2009. I've documented countless quotes, pics, trips, dinners, and milestones. Things that I sometimes don't even remember happening, I am only reminded of when they pop up in my Facebook memories. I have all of this "stuff" from my life the last 9 years documented in digital

My first exposure to a school shooting that I can remember was Columbine. I was a freshman in college and I remember watching the news coverage and weeping. It wasn't long before that occurred that I was in high school myself. In a small close knit suburb, just like them. I couldn't wrap my head around how those poor kids must have felt. To not feel safe at SCHOOL, of all places. How absolutely horrific to be sitting in class one moment and the next you're on the floor, hiding and terrified. Since Columbine in 1999 there have been 25 fatal school shootings - that includes elementary through high school. TWENTY FIVE in 19 years. As parents we send our kids off in the morning to school. A place filled with knowledge, books, technology, friends, love, experiences, athletics, clubs, and camaraderie. We trust that they're safe, or we used to trust that they're safe. Today, schools have become something entirely different. LIFE has become something entirely differ

I keep seeing these memes and posts about saying goodbye to 2017 and welcoming in 2018. And I get it. I mean, politically 2017 wasn't our greatest showing. Right, America? But am I the only one who isn't super ecstatic to see 2017 go? I kinda liked 2017. It was a really good year for us. Probably one of the best I've had...ever. Seriously. So I'm not exactly thrilled to kick its ass out the door and pull 2018 on through. I'm a little nervous. What if it's worse? What if I hate it? What if something terrible/awful happens? I'm really happy right now with where we are and with all we've done and accomplished. But I know it's inevitable and I can't keep living in 2017 forever (although if I had to choose a year to live in perpetually, it would be 1998). Anyway, I'm not a big New Years Resolution type of person. I often set goals for myself throughout the year and I'm pretty good at hitting them. I'm a jump in head first kind of gal. I